When we last left the World Cup, Zinedine Zidane, the greatest player in French history was headbutting Italian fullback Marco Materazzi for calling his mom and sister terrorists.
(And you thought you soccer was boring.)
For the 95% of you who follow soccer as often you vote in a Presidential election, here's a quick JBorhood refresher course in World Cup history and etiquette:
- Yes, Goalie jerseys are intentionally ugly. I think it's a source of pride.
- The buzzing sound you hear during games is a cacophony of vuvuzelas: cheap, plastic horns that South African's use to display national pride and remind the world what a bad idea it was to host a World Cup in South Africa.
- In case you want to recreate the authentic vuvuzela appeal while reading this article, use the following link: JBorhood World Cup Extravaganza! - Vuvuzela Style
- You can call a soccer team a "team", a "squad", or a "side" (if you have your heart set on sounding like a wanker).
- Do not call the field a "pitch" unless you're British.
- You have my permission to smack anyone who says the word "nil" when telling you the score of a game.
- Brazil or Germany have played in 11 of the last 13 World Cup Finals. Keep this in mind when you pick Netherlands and Spain to play for the title.
- No Northern Hemisphere team has ever won a World Cup played in the Southern Hemisphere and vice versa (except for Brazil). South Africa is in the Southern Hemisphere. Keep this in mind when you pick Spain to win the World Cup.
- The host country has always advanced out of the Group Stage. Remember this when you pick Uruguay and France to advance from Group A.
- Be incredibly specific when you say a player has great "ball skills"
- The United States is the only international soccer team without a nickname.
- Ladies, in case you need a reason to care about the World Cup, you're welcome: http://blog.zap2it.com/thedishrag/vanity-fair-world-cup.jpg
- Finding out that the World Cup trophy is called the Jules Rimet trophy was the most disappointing part of my research. I hereby demand that FIFA renames the trophy the Jules Rimet Trophy of Epic Wonderness. I'd be much more excited to win that trophy.
- You are well withing your rights to describe a soccer player as shifty, nifty, shambolic and blatantly homosexual (What can I say? Soccer is gay. Kudos to JBor "The Balls" for passing along the link.)
- It's more fun when you say GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!!!!
JBorhood World Cup Power Rankings*** Just here for the free safari Division ***32.
New Zealand [
All Whites]: New Zealand sucks. Not a regular, normal type of suck -- say, your Chicago Cubs brand of putridity -- the Kiwis take World Cup suckage to new heights.
Let's start with their nickname. I know the name is a reference to the hue of their uniform and a juxtaposition of the New Zealand national rugby team's nickname, the "All Blacks" (a reference to their intimidating black jerseys), but I don't think I'm going out on a limb when I suggest that the "All Whites" is probably not the best choice of nickname for a team playing in the birthplace of apartheid.
The Kiwis brand of soccer is called "ordinary" at best -- their best player is a defender named "Ryan Nelson", you can't get more ordinary than that -- and "among the poorest World Cup teams of all time" at worst.
Ireland, ranked #37 in the world, failed to qualify for the World Cup when French striker Thierry Henry blatantly hit the ball with his hand to set up the winning goal for France. Meanwhile, New Zealand lost to Fiji, Tanzania, and Thailand and still wound up in South Africa.
If you enjoy watching other teams score goals, you'll enjoy watching New Zealand.
31.
North Korea [
Choilima]: Don't believe in karma? On the way to South Africa, the North Korean squad was stuck in an earthquake, suffered team-wide food poisoning, and lost a roster spot when Coach Kim Jong-hun tried to add an extra position player to the roster by declaring him as a goalie.
Oh, and they also wound up in the same Group with Brazil (#2 in the World), Portugal (#7 in the World) and Ivory Coast (#13 in the World).
This should be fun.
30.
Algeria [
Les Fennecs]: Algeria last qualified for the World Cup in 1982 when they shocked the World by beating West Germany 1-0 in their opening match. But the Germans made a back room deal with Austria heading in to the final game of the Group stage and Austria let the Germans win 1-0, allowing both Germany and Austria to advance to the next round via tiebreaker over Algeria.
Twenty eight years later, the Algerians are out for revenge. Sadly, they aren't any good.
They managed to sneak into the tournament by beating Egypt, the supposed best team in Africa, in a three game series, but other than that the Algerians have few notable victories, are ranked #70 in the World, and the best selling book about Algeria on Amazon.com is "
The Wretched of the Earth", which can't be a good thing.
Random Note: Is it weird to anyone else that Algeria and Egypt are "African" teams (aside from the obvious fact that the countries are located in the African continent and all) or do I just suck at geography? Don't answer that.
29.
Japan [
Nippon Daihyo]: You might find this hard to believe, but the Japanese are considered technically proficient and lacking in imagination. For the record, I'm talking about their soccer team.
Comic cultural reflections aside, the Japanese have never won a World Cup match overseas, a trend that threatens to continue as they face the dominant Dutch, a quality Cameroonian (I have to be honest, that was really just an excuse to write Cameroonian) team playing close to home, and a solid Denmark squad.
On the bright side, the Japanese feature two future stars in 23 year-old Keisuke "Don't call me K-sucky" Honda and 22 year-old Atsudo Uchida. Those two must make their presence felt if the Japanese hope to get anything done in South Africa.
28.
South Korea [
Taegeuk Jeonsa]: Similar to Japan, South Korea has never made it out of the Group Stage of the World Cup except for 2002, when they were the host country. On the bright side, the Koreans play an exciting, up-tempo, attacking style of soccer led by Lee Keun-Ho, Yung Suek-Pak, and Park Ji-Song (one of whom I just made up).
*** Not entirely embarrassing Division ***27.
Greece [
To Piratiko]: The Greeks have never scored a World Cup Goal, won the 2004 European Championship, and two of their top players are named different variations of George: Giorgos (Karagounis) and Georgios (Samaras).
That's the kind of in-depth insight you won't find anywhere else.
26.
Slovakia [
The Fighting Jondas]: Best described as "plucky", the Slovakians have an intricate attacking game, a porous defense, a forward (Marek Hamsik) dubbed "The Phantom", and a really stupid nickname. (According to my research, "The Fighting Jondas" originates from the large number of Slovak immigrants who took the surname Jonda.
No, really.)
Once again, that's the kind of in-depth insight you won't find anywhere else.
25.
Honduras [
Los Catrachos]: South Americans Take Soccer Seriously (Part 1).
After star midfielder Wilson Palacios transferred from his hometown Honduran club Olimpia to Birmingham City of the English Premier League, a group of armed men kidnapped Palacio's younger brother and held him for ransom. Palacio paid the ransom of 125,000 GBP, but the men never released his brother and he was eventually found dead in a remote rural area. The suspects were tried and convicted of kidnapping and murder and sent to jail. The group escaped from prison, but also turned up dead in a remote rural area two days later.
Lesson #1: Don't f*%# with Honduran soccer stars.
Lesson #2: In a country with 62% of the population below the poverty line, national sporting events carry a smidge more weight.
As I was saying, South Americans take their soccer seriously.
*** The tragic plucky underdog Division ***24.
South Africa [
Bafana Bafana]: Never underestimate the host country in the World Cup. The United States improbably advanced out of the Group stage when they hosted the World Cup in '94, before losing a hard fought match to eventual champion Brazil; France won the World when they played host in '98; Japan and South Korea won their only World Cup games in history and advanced to the quarter and semi-finals respectively when the two nations jointly hosted the Cup in '02; and Germany made it to the semi-finals as the hosts in '06, even though they had an incredibly young and inexperience squad.
South Africa hasn't done anything to suggest they will follow this trend, but their Group -- France, Uruguay, Mexico -- does not feature a truly dominant team and their coach, Carlos Alberto Parreira, led Brazil to the World Cup title in 1994. Watch out for dreadlocked striker Steven Pienaar and top goal scorer Kagisho Dikgacoi (an instant favorite for my Dad's All-Name Team) to lead Bafana Bafana on an improbable World Cup run.
23.
Australia [
Socceroos]: I can't decide whether the Socceroos is a great nickname or the greatest nickname ever. The Australian side is supposedly dangerous and entering the tournament mad after getting eliminated on a phantom penalty kick awarded to Italy when the two teams met in the First Round of the 2006 World Cup. (Can a team really hold a grudge for four years?)
That said, the side has few signature wins and enters the tournament almost completely untested. (Qualifying from the same region that put New Zealand in the World Cup is the soccer equivalent of the Kansas City Royals winning the College World Series.)
22.
Denmark [
Danish Dynamite]: The Danes have only qualified for the World Cup on three occasions ('86, '98, '02), but they advanced out of the group stages each time. They aren't a terribly talented or exciting squad, but only lost once during qualifying (6 wins, 3 ties, 1 loss), shut out the opposition in seven out of their ten games, and beat Portugal 3-2, in a game that likely knocked Portugal out of the top group of teams and into the same group as Brazil.
If you believe that defense wins championships, Denmark is the dark horse for you.
Fact that likely interests only me: Denmark has the youngest player in the tournament, 19 year-old Christian Erikson.
21.
Ghana [
Black Stars]: You want drama? Look no further.
Ghana's all-everything midfielder Kevin Prince Boateng injured Germany's star player, Michael Ballack, on a reckless tackle during the Finals of the English Premier League's FA Cup.
But, wait, it gets better: German fans were so upset by the play, they started harassing Boateng and his family.
But, wait, it gets better: Germany and Ghana are in the same Group in the first round of the World Cup.
But, wait, it gets better: Germany and Ghana square-off in the final game of the group stage.
But, wait, it gets, better: After both teams won their opening games, the Germany, Ghana game will likely be for first place in the group.
But, wait, it gets better: Boateng's half brother plays for Germany.
(I'll give you a minute to pick up the pieces of your mind, which I've just blown.)
Suffice to say, you know what I'll be watching on Wednesday, June 22nd at 8:30 am Hawaii time.
20.
Slovenia [
Zmajceki]: I can't keep the nations that made up the former Yugoslavia straight. Slovenia. Slovakia (technically, not a part of the former Yugoslavia, but it sounds like it should have been). Serbia. Croatia. Bosnia-Hard-to-spell-govina. My geographical prowess is truly on display.
What I do know is that Slovenia won five of their last six games and only allowed four goals in all ten qualifying matches. There's nothing confusing about that. Slovenia plays great defense.
*** Anyone want to trade groups? Division ***19.
France [
Les Bleus]: Looking at the glass half full, France is one of the most talented and consistent teams in the world. They won the World Cup in 1998 and were a Zidane headbutt away from a second victory in 2006. They have the right combination of coaching, talent, and chemistry to make a deep run in the World Cup.
On the other hand, Les Bleus have the full force of karma working against them due to striker Thierry Henry's infamous "Hand of Gaul" (a handball that illegally set up the winning goal in their qualifier against Ireland) and prominent winger Franck Ribery's alleged involvement with a child prostitution ring.
Never a dull moment with the French.
18.
Chile [
La Roja]: Led by "plump" striker Humberto Suazo (He's actually not fat,
but he's built like a brick you-know-what house) the Chileans score goals. Lots and lots of goals. The most goals of any team in South American qualifying region. They also won more games than any other South American team during qualifying -- including Brazil -- and defeated Argentina for the first time ever (yes, ever) in a World Cup qualifier.
Of course, they're locked in the same group with current-best-team-in-the-world-that-has-only-lost-one-game-in-four-years Spain and, even if they made it out of the group stage, the Chileans would almost assuredly face possibly-better-than-the-current-best-team-in-the-world Brazil.
Better luck next time, Chile
17.
Ivory Coast [
The Elephants]: Coming out of their strong showing in African qualifying, Ivory Coast was everyone's trendy African dark horse.
And then the World Cup draw happened.
Landing in the same group as Brazil and Portugal happened. (To put that in perspective, that would be like the NCAA seeding Duke #16 and matching them up with the Boston Celtics in the first round of the NCAA tournament.).
All-world striker Didier Drogba breaking his arm happened.
The Elephants are talented enough to pull off a shocker, but they didn't get any favors.
Note that may interest only me: Ivory Coast features two players by the name of Didier (pronounced Dee-dee-eh): Didier Drogba and Didier Zokora.
*** Could talk yourself into believing if you were drunk Division ***16.
Switzerland [
Schweizer Nati]: For those of you who detest goal scoring and embrace ball possession, tackling, and watching wallpaper peel, have I got a team for you. Switzerland soccer is defensive soccer. They view scoring goals like June Jones views running the football. They are the only team in World Cup history to be eliminated without conceding a single goal (In 2006, they lost in the second round to Ukraine on penalty kicks).
It isn't always pretty, but it's effective.
On the rare occasion the Swiss actually score, 35 year-old forward Blaise N'kufo, who coach Ottmar Hitzfeld convinced to come out of retirement during the qualifying stages, and the ironically named Tranquillo Barnetta will likely be in the thick of things.
But, don't hold your breath.
15.
Serbia [
Beli Orlovi]: Who needs Montenegro anyway?
Four years after an auspicious 0-3 performance in the 2006 World Cup as Serbia and Montenegro, the Serbians return sans Montenegro, ready prove who wears the pants in that relationship. They lack the polish and pedigree of other European sides, but they have an excellent defense led by two ex-United States Under-20 stars Nemanja Vidic and Neven Subotic (Can you blame a great foreign-born player for not wanting to suit up for the Stars and Stripes?) and have a powerful, talented squad capable of making a deep run in the tournament.
14.
Mexico [
El Tri]: Easy to overlook, but impossible to ignore. Mexico is the Atlanta Braves of international soccer. They don't do anything spectacular, but they do everything well. They've advanced from the Group stage to the Round of 16 the past four World Cups, but only advanced past that round in the two years they hosted the cup (1970 & 1986).
Don't expect them to go far, but they're as close to a second round lock as you can find outside of the World elite.
Notable Mexico facts: They went through three coaches during the qualifying rounds and are led by a 37 year-old forward named Cuauhtémoc. For the record, that is one more time than I ever imagined writing Cuauhtémoc in the JBorhood.
13.
Paraguay [
La Albirroja]: South Americans Take Soccer Seriously (Part 2).
Most teams lose players to ankle or knee injuries. Not South American teams. No, South American teams lose players to gun shot wounds.
Paraguay's star striker Salvador Cabanas was shot
in the head during an altercation in a bar in Mexico City this January. In true South American fashion, the incident is rumored to have occurred because Cabanas either attempted to come to the aid of a woman getting robbed or because he started a brawl in the club's bathroom. Due to the risk of further trauma, the bullet was never extracted.
Against all doctor's recommendations, Cabanas attempted to recover in time to participate in the World Cup even though he still had short term memory loss and
a bullet lodged in his brain. (Sadly, Cabanas did not make the team).
As I was saying, South Americans take their soccer seriously.
Fact that likely interests only me: Paraguayan striker Oscar Cardozo is nicknamed "The Bamboo Tree". My first thought: Really? They have bamboo in Paraguay?
A compelling reason to root for Paraguay:
This lady roots for Paraguay.
12.
United States [
None]: Every four years, soccer fans and the sports media force feed the public on the notion that the United States soccer team has finally arrived. I detest this narrative, because it fosters a sense of distrust and a smug dismissal of soccer by the casual American Sports fan. At this point, people don't even wait for the World Cup hype to get underway before proudly announcing that the U.S. Team sucks and that the United States will never seriously contend in soccer. There's just one little problem with this line of thinking: It's simply not true. The 2010 United States soccer team is actually, finally, astonishingly... decent, not to mention mildly entertaining.
For years, the knock on the United States was simple: they couldn't score goals. U.S. teams would pack everyone back on defense, try to prevent the other team from scoring, and capitalize on a few counter attacks. (This strategy was viewed in reverential terms by baseball fans because it actually made their sport seem exciting in comparison.)
That is no longer the case.
The United States now has multiple players capable of beating defenders off the dribble, making dangerous entry passes, and finishing at the net. Put another way, the United States now has multiple players capable of playing soccer. Jozy Altidore is the most athletic player to ever wear the Stars and Stripes; Clint Dempsey has world class ball skills and creativity; and Landon Donovan is the best all around player in United States history. All three are capable of creating scoring chances individually and they also work together better than any former U.S. squad. On the defensive end, Oguchi Onyewu is an intimidating presence in the backfield and Tim Howard is one of the best goalies in the world.
This team can compete with any team in the world on a given day.
But (and this is a Kardashian sized but), that is also the biggest problem with the United States: They're good enough to compete, but not good enough to dominate, not good enough to sweep through the World Cup and capture the hearts and minds of Joe Football America, the casual American sports fan. Joe Football America will watch the United States lose 2-1 to Germany in the second round and conclude that the U.S. sucks (just like he thought) and relegate soccer to the same status as the WNBA in his sports watching schedule: watchable when drunk, alone, and the The Replacements isn't showing on TNT, but not worth missing reruns of Two and a Half Men.
The United States soccer team is Rocco Mediate. We can consistently make the cut and, if everything goes our way, maybe even hang with the leaders heading into the back nine on the final day of the U.S. Open. But, in the end, we'll still lose to Tiger Woods, even if he has a broken leg.
So whether or not you should watch the United States depends on what you're looking for. If you love sports and can handle some ups and downs, by all means, tune in and enjoy the show.
Just don't be surprised when the U.S. four putts the eighteenth green.
*** The legitimately dangerous Division ***11.
Italy [
Azzuri]: Allow me to be blunt. I hate Italian soccer. In fact, hate is almost not a strong enough word. I hate Italian soccer the way I hated Iolani soccer when I played for Punahou. I hate Italian soccer like I hate the St. Louis Cardinals. I hate Italian soccer the way I hate the last sip of saliva soaked swill at the bottom of a warm Budweiser.
I hate their overly defensive style of play.
I hate the way they cry like Rasheed Wallace getting a technical after every foul.
I hate the way they dive anytime someone gets near them and writhe on the ground as if they were just shot in the leg while getting trampled by a rhinoceros .
I hate their uniforms.
I hate their greasy hair.
I hate their stupid names (except for Gianluigi Buffon. That's an awesome name).
I hate everything about them.
I am utterly incapable of discussing Italian soccer objectively. I hope they lose every game 15-0 and that the entire team contracts syphilis from South African prostitutes. Ok, that's a bit harsh. I hope they lose every game 14-0 before they catch syphilis.
Personal feelings aside, the Italians are undeniably good and always a threat to win the World Cup. They play skilled, disciplined soccer and erect a virtual brick wall on defense.
So hate them, loathe them, wish any sort of ill will on them, but make sure you respect them.
10.
Uruguay [
La Celeste]: Uruguay is the forgotten name among the list of eight countries that have won the World Cup. La Celeste won the inaugural World Cup in 1930 and again in 1950, but since then, they have only advanced to the second round in '86 and '90, and done little else.
The Uruguayans have occasional lapses on defense and lack a dominant player who can carry the team on his shoulders, but they have solid overall talent, numerous players with goal scoring ability, and, frankly, I really like their flag and think they have a cool national anthem.
Once again, that's the kind of in-depth insight you won't find anywhere else.
9.
Portugal [
Seleccao das Quinas]: Portugal is a South American squad trapped in a European country. They're extremely skilled, play a beautiful, creative style of soccer, and, most importantly, feature a number of players who go by only one name (Deco; Pepe; Nani; Simao). But, the one thing that clearly identifies them as European is their proclivity for diving. No bump, nudge or love tap is too small to keep the Portuguese from flying to the ground, clutching a body part (generally, but not necessarily, the one that was hit) and screaming bloody murder.
Their leader, in spirit, talent, and diving is Cristiano Ronaldo,
whose game is as sexy as his abs. Ronaldo was the FIFA Player of the Year in 2008 and capable of taking over a game. Portugal will go as far as he can take them.
Plus, if things go poorly in the World Cup, the 2012 London Games are only two years away and he'd be the odds on favorite to win the Gold in Men's Diving. (*rim shot*)
8.
Cameroon [
Indomitable Lions]: First of all, their nickname is the Indomitable Lions. Secondly, their nickname is the
Indomitable Lions.
Cameroon is a fast and talented African side with a young stud in midfield, Nicholas N'koulou, and one of the World's top goal scorers, Samuel Eto'o. They got a relatively easy draw with Japan and Denmark and should capitalize on a friendly African crowd.
Oh, and did I mention their nickname is the Indomitable Lions?
7.
England [
The Three Lions]: England is the pre-2004 Red Sox of World Soccer. They have a long title drought (44 years and counting), an incredibly rabid (and drunken) fan base with unreasonable expectations, immense amounts of talent, and always come up short in the most painful way possible. This year is no different.England is ranked fourth in the World, have an impossibly talented group that includes English Premier League superstars Ashley Cole, Frank Lampard, James I-have-no-idea-who-the-hell-this-is-but-his-name-popped-up-in-my-research Milner and a contender for Best Player in World Whose Name Isn't Lionel Messi in Wayne Rooney.
But all that talent comes with outrageous expectations. Anything short of a semi-final appearance will be viewed as an outright failure and a loss to the United States is simply out of the question. (England losing to the United States would be like the Lakers losing Game 7 of the NBA Finals to the Celtics at home followed by post game celebration where the Celtics tore down the Staples Center and erected a 70 foot-tall statue of Larry Bird taking a dump. Maybe worse.)
Exciting. Talented. Tragic. The English are many things, but never boring.
Humorous Note: My favorite English player of all-time, Michael Owen, was called the baby-faced assassin because of his lightning quick speed, incredible scoring ability and his childish looks. In contrast, the English press have nicknamed Wayne Rooney the assassin-faced baby, because he's similarly baby-faced but, well,
not the best looking chap in the world.
6.
Germany [
Die Mannschaft]: The Germans have reached the Quarterfinals in every tournament since 1982. Yes, they're that good.
They lost star-player and Captain Michael Ballack during qualifying, but still managed to rack up eight wins, two ties, and no loses in their ten qualifying games. They have two long, rangy attackers, Lukas Podolski and Miroslav Klose, who are capable of scoring in bunches and a team full of big, strong, fast, well... a team full of Germans.
As always, look out for the Mannschaft.
5.
Netherlands [
Oranje]: There is no historical parallel for the Dutch. They're like the English, except without the title or the perennial success. They invented the concept of "Total Football"-- a pre-dominant style of play where players switch positions throughout the game, making it incredibly difficult for the opposing team to keep track of your players -- only to watch the Brazilians steal and perfect the concept and use it dominate world soccer for the better part of the century. When the Dutch finally had the best team and player in the world (the 1974 squad, led by top-five player ever Johan Cruyff), they got so hammered the night before the World Cup Finals that they lost 2-1 to a clearly inferior West German squad.
But, every World Cup they manage to convince their fans that this year will be different. This is the year they'll finally break through.
Count on a dominant performance in the group stages and collapse that would the English proud during the knockout stage.
Note that may interest only me: The Dutch feature five players named "Van Something" (Van Brockenhorst, Van Der Weil, etc...).
4.
Nigeria [
Super Eagles]: This pick is 99.9% heart (I'll explain the 0.01 in a second).
Nigeria kick started my love of international soccer during their magical run in the 1994 World Cup. The Super Eagles, led by Jay-Jay Okocha, Daniel Amokachi, and Rashidi Yekini (my all-time favorite World Cup name), beat Bulgaria and Greece and held their own in a 2-1 loss to Argentina to win their Group and advanced to face Italy in the second round. Nigeria scored an early goal and held a 1-0 the entire game until a Roberto Baggio goal tied the game with two minutes to go and sent the game into overtime, where the Italians won on (what else) a questionable penalty kick. (Again, I hate the Italians.)
This isn't the most deep or talented Nigerian squad, but -- and here's where the 0.01% of strategy comes in -- they got a favorable draw with an uninspiring Greece team, a South Korean squad that hasn't won a World Cup game outside of Korea, and the mercurial Argentinians, and if they finish second in their group (as I expect them to), they avoid facing any of the top teams in the world (Spain, Brazil, Germany, Netherlands, Argentina) before the semifinals. With a strong attack led by Ikechukwu Uche and a boost from the loud pro-African crowd and their army of vuvuzelas, the Super Eagles could become the first African team to make it to World Cup's Final Four.
Watch out world, here come the Super Eagles.
*** Anything short of a World Cup Title is a failure Division ***3.
Spain [
La Furia Roja]: Prior to 2008, the list of incredibly talented, yet consistently disappointing teams read England, Netherlands, Spain.
You can confidently scratch Spain from that list.
The Spanish soccer team has only lost one of their past 45 games (to the United States of all teams. See, I told you we didn't suck.), a streak that spans the past
four years. During that time, Spain notched victories against every major soccer power and won the 2008 European Championship -- the second most prestigious soccer tournament, after the World Cup -- in dominating fashion.
They defend well.
They pass well.
They score well.
They truly do it all.
Strikers David Villa and Fernando Torres get most of the attention, but Spain's game truly runs through Xavi, the best passing midfielder alive. He's Steve Nash in cleats.
The only milestone left for the Spaniards is to win the country's first World Cup. I pity the team that tries to stop them.
2.
Brazil [
A Selecao]: "Joga Bonito" (Play Beautifully) has always been the motto of Brazilian soccer.
Not anymore.
New coach Dunga decided to forgo the hallmark Brazilian offensive flair in exchange for defensive intensity. Replacing individual brilliance with a team-oriented ball possession attack. Former two-time FIFA Player of the year (2004, 2005) Ronaldinho was cut from the team because Dunga felt his offensive skills were detrimental to Brazil's new defensive minded approach. (For the record, this is like the Showtime Lakers cutting Magic Johnson because his no-look passes weren't fundamentally sound.) Needless to say, Dunga is not the most popular man in Brazil.
Yet, it's tough to argue with his results. The Brazilians finished first in South American qualifying, won the Confederation Cup -- the biggest non-World Cup international soccer tournament -- and lost only two games in the past two years.
But, this is Brazil. Winning isn't expected. It's required. And when you've won five of the eighteen World Cups, it's not just
that you win, it's
how you win.
Nothing short of a World Cup title will convince the people of Brazil that Dunga's new defensive approach is truly beautiful.
1.
Argentina [
La Albiceleste]: Soccer is a team sport. No matter how talented the individual, a truly cohesive team triumphs over individual brilliance every time.
Well, every time except two.
In the history of the World Cup, only two players have ever led their teams to victory through sheer individual brilliance: Pele and Diego Maradona.
Now, Diego Maradona is the coach of Argentina, who once again has the best player in the world: Lionel Messi. Messi isn't just good. He's brilliant. He's capable of utterly dominating a game and breaking down any defense with his incredible speed, ball control, passing, and destructive shooting ability. Messi is the once-in-a-generation type player that can take over a World Cup.
If Argentina wins the World Cup, Maradona promised to run naked through the center of Buenos Aires. So, I am not exaggerating when I say that the fate of the World Cup and Diego Maradona's genitalia, rest in Lionel Messi's capable hands (er, feet).
No matter what happens, things are about to get Messi.
